It's Meme Monday and as I just did my daily afternoon scroll through my Instagram feed (yes, I am openly A D M I T T I N G to being slightly #addicted to Instagram, but don't be silly, I know YOU are too. It's okay. I understand #InstagramAnonymous) this exact meme struck a nerve in me + made me understand what I'm going through is merely a part of life and that we all change, for better or for worse. Going through heartbreak is something that has helped me grow in ways I never thought I would (or even could), appreciate the things in my life even more, and change into such a better version of myself. I joke when I tell people that they haven’t lived until their heart has been broken—but honestly, I believe everyone needs to experience heartbreak. No, I do NOT ever wish these feelings, pain or mistrust upon anyone E V E R but having had my whole world turned upside down by the one person I looked at and saw the whole world, that I had given so much of myself, my life and even shared my family with will change you F O R E V E R. It has changed me in so many ways that I never saw myself ever truly understanding. Trust your journey.
Thank Y O U @thegoodquote for this Monday reminder to keep on keeping on:
You change for two reasons: either you learn enough that you want to, or you've been hurt enough that you have to.
I’m not talking about that, “I love sneakers” kind of love #sneakerhead4life but I’m talking about that love that just happens out of the blue and flourishes into such an incredibly H U G E happy part of you, your life, and your existence. That kind of love that is just so sweet, so happy, so genuine + pure that you wholeheartedly think you have found the one. It’s that kind of love that scars and forever leaves a mark on your soul for eternity.
But it’s that kind of love + heartbreak that S T O P S your whole world and makes you choose 1.) To know your worth and n e v e r settle for someone who doesn’t treat you in the way you K N O W (not being conceited) how you deserve to be treated, stand up for yourself. 2.) Stay—blindly stay in the midst of a disaster and genuinely H O P E (and pray) that what you’re going through is just a dream and that it’ll get better. 3.) Accept what is happening, feel those feelings but M O V E O N, just move on. No exceptions. Just do it. Your heart will thank you later.
Having never experience heartbreak before I chose option #2 because I genuinely did not B E L I E V E that what I was going through was real life. I thought if I just shut my eyes and saw the person I fell in love with when we first met, everything will be back to normal in a few days, maybe weeks (but that never happened). I stayed. I stayed and relished in all of the pain, sadness, and hopelessness for a FULL year thinking 100% whole-heartedly that he’ll change back into the person I first fell in love with.
But he changed, his priorities changed and he became so much like his friends chasing after things in life that I just will never understand. This was something I never ever, I mean E V E R, thought would happen. But it did, it happened. And tore apart what I thought was a beautiful life with it’s ups and downs knowing that not every relationship is perfect but hoping this was just a “growing pain.” No, it was real life and he made his decisions on his own, no one forced him. Everything he was doing was everything HE wanted to do and I was just not apart of him, his choices or life anymore. This was the hardest to comprehend, heck, I still don't fully get it but I've learned that in life, we may not ever understand why things happen.
Words will never be able to suffice the feeling of being in love to the core with someone who just doesn’t want you as a part of their life anymore. People say years gauge where you are in a relationship + all of the things that you have been through, but after my experience, I call their bluff. Time doesn’t gauge love, the soul and being genuinely connected with another soul to the point where you do not see any other person is what gauges love for me.
Everything happens for a reason, but now I’m changing because I’ve been hurt enough that I have to. It’s not easy—it’s one of the hardest things in my life to finally begin to understand after a whole year of trying, changing and becoming someone I didn’t even know. I tried. I tried everything but I learned, you cannot make someone want to be with you.
If there was one thing I could tell myself at this exact moment, last year (because it was THIS exact day last year that it began), I would tell myself to just let it go. Let it go. Save yourself, save your tears, and save all of those sleepless nights. You’ll thank yourself in a year. Music only makes it that much worse + you start to cringe when you hear a Sam Smith track or John Legend melody (although you've loved them before the heartbreak)—don't do that to them! Ciara's jam, "I bet", will be your song. The Weeknd's new album will cure your soul from start to finish, *Angel especially. But most *importantly, everything will be okay. You will be okay D'Ana. I know you don’t b e l i e v e it right now and I know you cannot imagine things as a party of 1 but please, just trust me on this one. It will be okay. Life is beautiful. Trust your journey. I promise.
Memories last a lifetime, but a heartbreak shouldn't.
Today, I choose #3.